Something made the rounds on Twitter: someone got naked.  The pictures leaked.  Rinse, repeat.

What made this different is that the naked person has a name: Teyana Taylor.  Problem is, we at The Daily Sarcastic have no idea who this person is.  Matter of fact, we can’t even show the pictures, because we want to appeal to the children.  Sarcasm is for the children, like Wu-Tang.

But seriously, who is this person?  We have no idea who she is or why she even made the Twitter rounds.  So, using the journalism tool that is Google, we found out that Taylor released a song called “Google Me” in 2008, except…we’re already doing that now in 2012…and it’s not helping her cause…

So no, we still are unaware as to why she has made the rounds of Twitter.  However she did say that the picture in question is actually of a friend (named “Yami”) who’s trying to frame Teyana Taylor for cutting her off (for riding off her fame).  Meanwhile, The Daily Sarcastic is still trying to find any and all information on Teyana Taylor, and all we can find were half-naked pictures, a Twitter account and 50 more results saying “Google Me”.  We are Googling you, Miss Taylor, and you’re not helping our cause.

Meanwhile, trending topics with cute names like #TittyTuesday and #ThongThursday show up on Twitter on the daily.  Maybe The Daily Sarcastic should do a spotlight on them.  Maybe friends are trying to ride off their fame.

Anyway, here’s the link.  It’s not safe for work.  Be sure to grab your pleasure tools on your way home though.  Breasts are breasts, and an orgasm is an orgasm, so pleasure away.  At home.

Meanwhile, someone will explain to us exactly who Teyana Taylor is, what she does for a living, and why exactly did this make our rounds.

The Daily Sarcastic learned today, via Twitter and USA Today, that former Philadelphia Eagles quarterback and ESPN analyst Ron “Jaws” Jaworski will no longer be a part of the commentary team that covers Monday Night Football, which includes Mike Tirico and former head coach Jon Gruden.  Thankfully, ESPN will be keeping him as an analyst for their NFL-based shows, including their Sunday pregame show, as well as their Monday Night Football pregame show.

While we at The Daily Sarcastic are sad to see Jaws leaving the Monday Night Football team, we also recognize that the situation at hand could be a lot worse.  For example, the Monday Night Football booth would still be looking like this:

Which is why we count our blessings.

Instead, the booth will contain Tirico and Gruden, the latter of which said that: “Jaws has taught me so much about broadcasting and nobody works harder.  He watches as much film as anyone.”

The Daily Sarcastic chooses to remember Jaws best during the New England Patriots-Miami Dolphins game where Chad Henne was unable to get his pass to Brandon Marshall “just a split second quicker.  You’ll see.”

To whom it may concern:

Hello. Thank you for informing me of your fine product. Even though I don’t remember what you sent me, I do know that it’s the thought that counts.

But were you really thinking? I doubt it; if you were thinking, you would know that this is NOT the best way to promote your product. I am NOT some unwilling sheep that clicks on every link he sees. I am a Human Being. I have a life.

I, like you, expect to be treated like a Human Being. When I hurt, I feel pain. When I’m sad, I cry. When I’m happy, I smile. When I see bubble wrap, I pop the bubbles.

However, had you spoken to me like a Human Being, you would have known this. Instead, you assumed I was a mindless zombie, clicking at every little link that gets sent to me.

By the time you finished reading this, you have already been blocked and reported for spam. With that in mind, I say this: Fuck you. Fuck the semen that your father inserted into your mother, fuck the sperm that got into the egg, and fuck the mother that birthed you.

Maybe now you’ll learn to treat the people you spam as PEOPLE, not some zombie behind a mouse. You just might have a lot in common.

Sincerely,

The People You’ve Been Spamming